Stranded

I am a solitary.
I am unlike any other human being,
And no,one can see me
Or hear me
or feel me
Or especially,
Understand me.
How could they, when
I cannot even grasp myself…

Love…
I strive for it.
I resurrected myself, again,
And again, to find it…
And,then when, i finally do…
Theres so many monsters
Making me say and do,things….
That I cant even,be happy about it…
I cant enjoy it….
I cant provide the succur,
That a woman should…

I open my legs just fine…
But, its so much more than that…
So unbelievably much more than that…

I am broken,
An,incompleted project someone abandoned
So long ago…
The pieces needed for completion are lost beyond lost…
So lost that they never existed at all…
And I have only holes where they should go.

I fooled myself…
I was so sure,
That I was ready to take on the world,
And from step one,
Its just been faceplant,
After car crash,
After nuclear holocaust…
Every time I try to move forward,
I hurt myself…,
My misplaced monsters take the reins…
Though in truth I dont know that they hadnt had them all along..
They they werent just letting me hold them for a while,
While they recouperated from their famine,
And displacement,
Their abandonment…

And as I left them to die,
As I have walked away from,
Ferrets, cats, boyfriends, and other lives,
Before…
They now dont give me the favor…
I will serve them.
Theu will rule me…

And theirlan,is being executed perfectly…
I feel…
The other person in my head,
Behind my eyes,
Making me say and do things,
That I neither want nor should be doing…

They cut through
The tendons of my own life,
With my own,hands,
And I, am helpless to stop them…

All I have is this vast whiteness….

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